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Book ■ .TH3 

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COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 




Photo By Murff 

A Mississippi "Chocolate Drop." 



NEGRO 
WIT AND HUMOR 



Also Containing 



Folk Lore, Folk Songs, Race 
Peculiarities, Race History 



BY 
MARION F. HARMON, B. S 



ILLUSTRATED 



LOUISVILLE, KY. 

Harmon Publishing Co. 
1914 






Copyrighted 1914 

By 

Th« Harmon Publishing Company 



c5 
NOV 28 1914 



'CI.A393202 
♦Ml/ 



<3C 



prt (§n? 



A FOREWORD 

There are more than nine million Negroes in 
the United States and fully five- sixths of them 
live in the South Atlantic and Gulf States. In 
this section of our country, the Negro has 
always found the most congenial surroundings, 
and the possibilities for earning a livelihood the 
best adapted to his nature and conditions. Here 
in all probability he will always reside, and pur- 
sue the even tenor of his way. There is an at- 
tachment of no mean proportions between him 
and his white neighbor, and in a large measure 
each is dependent upon the other. Except in ag- 
gravated cases the relations are peaceable and 
pleasant. 

It is now half a century since freedom came 
to him, and his progress since the "Proclamation" 
has been wonderful, in financial, educational and 
religious matters. No race has ever made more 
rapid advances following emancipation than has 
he. The rate of illiteracy has decreased, until 
today it is but little in excess of thirty per cent. 
Throughout the South splendid colleges and ed- 
ucational equipments are conducted for his up- 
lift. The better element of the white people in 



every way pessibla ita 

of this" unfortunate race. The exclave will soon 
be no more, and to preserve the quaintness, the 
wit and humor of the "Old Time Darkey," this 
book has been brought into existence. 

Very truly, 

The Author. 



INTRODUCTION 

The incidents of Wit and Humor herein have 
been accumulated during a period of several years 
residence in the Southern States. A large por- 
tion of these stories have never been published, as 
they have come under the personal observation of 
the author, or have been told to him by friends 
who vouch for their accuracy and originality. 

In addition to the Wit and Humor of the 
Southern Negro, a division of the book deals with 
the Folk Lore of the race, their quaint sayings, 
proverbs, signs of good and bad "Luck," etc. As 
the Negro advances in education the power of the 
"Rabbit foot" over him is weakened. The hope of 
the race is in its yearning desire for an education. 
If this can be attained, with the moral and regen- 
erating power of the Gospel of Christ accompa- 
nying it, the future of the race is radiant with 
hope. 

. The closing chapter is made up of a few songs 
selected from their race hymnology. The words 
only are given. To be properly appreciated these 
songs should be heard sung by a competent Negro 
choir. The songs herein were sung by the cele- 
brated "Jubilee Singers," before many of the 



largest and most cultured audiences ever gather- 
ed for concert purposes, both in this country and 
the Old World. The "Jubilee Singers" was a 
band of fourteen young negro men and women, 
just out of bondage, who went out from Fiske Uni- 
versity in the latter '60's. They were Tennessee- 
ans, and after touring the north and east of this 
conntry, they toured Europe, and there sang be- 
fore many of her "Crowned Heads," with marvel- 
ous success. 

In the compilation of this book the author is 
indebted to Prof. A. J. Aven of Mississippi Col- 
lege, Clinton, Mississippi for original stories as 
well as for some of his splendid dialect verse. 
Among others who have contributed to the suc- 
cess of the work, mention is made of Prof. Joseph 
C. Cotter, principal of the S. Coleridge Taylor 
colored school, Louisville, Ky., and to Thos. A. 
Blue, Colored Branch Librarian, Louisville, Ky. 

The illustrations in this volume are original, 
and are produced primarily to show the progress 
the race has made during the half century of its 
freedom. That this book may find a place for 
both amusement and usefulness, is the sincere 
wish of its Author, 



Negro Wit and Humor 



NEGRO SYNONYMS 

I am I'ze. 

Except Excusin. 

Only Onliest. 

Supreme Extreme. 

Sure Sho, (long o.) 

Door Do, 

Before Befo, " 

Tuberculosis Two-bugs-in-a-lo- 

cus. 

Renovated Renogonated. 

Analysed Scandalized. 

Timid Timicent. 

Talmage Talmud. 

You are You am. 

Deceased Ceasted. 



The above are only a few of the many words 
and their synoyms which I have heard constantly 
for many years. 



wit an B K U M © n 

Interrupting The Service. An old time 
negro preacher was standing waist deep in the 
stream, and waiting for the congregation to finish 
the song, became impatient and with an outburst 
of indignation, said: 

"Niggers, ef y V dun hush dat fuss, y'o wont 
get no good out'n de service." 

A Hoodo Tree. One day old Uncle Joe was 
cutting wood in the field, when his master came 
by and said: 

"It seems that this old tree has no persim- 
mons on it. ' ' 

Said the old darkey. "No, Sir, an' it aint 
gwine neber hab any on it, kase clis is de tree 
whut Bill Johnson wus strung on." 

Must Prove The Case. Andrew was brought 
before the judge twice a year regularly, and in 
much dignity submitted his cases, and paid large 
fines. Finally when brought before the judge and 
asked if he were ready to submit his case, he re- 
plied : 

"No sir, y'o' honer, y'o's guiner hatter prove 
it on de old nigger frum dis time on." 

10 



Part Of A Prayer. Sam had just been or- 
dained as a deacon, when his pastor called on him 
to close tha services with a prayer. He prayed as 
follows: 

"Suppos'in' I bow down befo' de Lo'd, 
suppos'in' I offer myse'f in pra'r, den let me bow 
down wid a clean heart, a pure min\ and unde- 
filed conshunse; walkin' in de broad and beaten 
way, y'u' seems ter like y'u'r distance well, why 
don' y'u' come ter Jesus an' lib. Gods er good 
man, he's er clean man, he's er purty man." 

A Whopping Base Singer. An old negro who 
was being tried under a charge of murder was 
asked by the judge if he had anything to say. He 
replied : 

"Jedge ef y'u hangs me, y'u will hang de bes' 
base singer in de Souf." 

De Charcots Ob De Lawd. Old Aunt Sallie 
had lived all her life since the war with her mis- 
tress whom she had nursed. Now the old darkey 
old and unable to work was made comfortable and 
given all the privileges she wanted. It was her 
custom every day to go down to the road side and 

11 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

pass the most of the time which was pleasant, in 
order to ask the passersby about the doings in the 
community. One day two automobiles, (a thing 
she had never seen) passed by. The first passed 
and the old auntie jumped up, when there passed 
the second she hobbled up to the house of her 
mistress and said in an excited tone: 

M F'o God Miss Bettie, de judgment day am 
come, and de char'ots uv de Lo'd am passin' ." 

Lookin' For Somewhar To Go. Bill Turner 
was a noted character of Clinton, Miss . One day 
a gentleman went to the station to send a tele- 
gram. Not seeing the operator, he asked Bill 
where the operator was. The reply was: 

"I dunno, de las' time I seed 'im, he wus 
lookin' fur some whar ter go." 

The operator had just been fired. 

Not Scared But Uncomfortable. An old 

negro was arrested for some serious crime, and 
without judge or jury, the crowd was going to 
swing him up. The rope was secured, the noose 
tied, and everything was in readiness for a hang- 
ing., when it was discovered that this was a case of 

12 






NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

mistaken identity. A neighbor was interrogating 
the old negro after it was all over. He said to the 
old man; "Uncle, did you not feel awful scared 
with the rope around your neck, and death staring 
you in the face?" 

"Who scared! me?" the darkey replied, "me 
scared? 'cose I want scared, but I felt mouty un- 
cumfo'table." 

Creation. An old time negro preacher was 
discussing the creation of man. He said; "When 
de Lawd made man, he made him out'n mud, an 
set him up ergin der fence ter dry." Hoi' on 
dare, Bro. Rastus, who made dat fence?" was ask- 
ed the preacher. 

"Hush, niggah," said the preacher, "y'u spile 
all my theology." 

The Protracted Meeting. Bob Smith of 
Meridian, Mississippi, is responsible for this one. 
He says it was while he was a student in Ken- 
tucky University, Lexington, Ky., that he was at 
prayer meeting one Wednesday night. One of 
the colored Christian preachers was in attendance 
upon the white services that evening. After all the 

13 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

white brethren were through speaking, they call- 
ed upon the colored brother to say something. 
He began something like this: 

"Brethern, we all needs de 'sistance of y'u 
white folks. Wese gwine to begin a meetin' at de 
colored church next Wednesday night, an' we 
would be proud to see some ob you thar to en- 
courage us. Thar will also be preachin' on Thurs- 
day night, and likewise Friday night; preachin' 
too on Saturday night, an' it will be hel' over Sun- 
day." 

An Early Call. About 6 a. m. on the A. & V. 
Ry., between Jackson and Meridian, Miss., the 
colored porter calls out: 

"Peelehachee! All out for Peelehachee! Twen- 
ty minutes fer breakfus!" 

Not Too Intimate. On a certain occasion a 
negro man was asked the time of day. When he 
told the inquirer, the gentleman said, "You are 
just with me." 

Bill replied: "I'll move on, dat's too close for 
a nigger and a white man to be togedder." 

Charge Of Vagrancy. Preston, one of the 

14 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

worthless negroes of the town, went to Cooper's 
Well to work during the season. On his return, 
one of the Professors in Mississippi College asked 
him if he had made his fortune during his stay at 
the Well. 

He replied: "No sir, Fesser, I didn't made 
nuttin. I'd er done better ter stay in Clinton." 

"Well," replied the Professor, "why did 
you not stay in Clinton?" 

"I wus," replied the darkey, "but de mare, 
(Mayor) cummensed talkin' 'bout takin' me up 
fur vacancy." 

A Preacher Set Back. I was pastor of a 
church in Bowling Green, Ky., in the latter part 
of the '80's. One day while in the barber's chair, 
the porter, a small negro boy. came up to me rub- 
bing his mouth, (for he had just finished eating a 
pig's foot,) and said: "Boss let me shine dem 
shoes." I thought I would have some fun argu- 
ing with him. So I told him that I was not able 
to stand the expense, and besides, I said, it would 
do no good to get them shined, for the mud was so 
deep between there and my house that they would 
get muddy in a few minutes. "Dars no mud 

15 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

'tween here and whar y'o lives," said the boot 
black. "How do you know where I live?" I asked 
him. "I knows whar y'u lives," was his reply. I 
pressed him to tell me who I was and where I 
lived, and this was his answer: 

"Why, y'o stays up at the big hotel an' runs 
de minstrel show." 

How Superstition Helps. A friend of mine 
in Wilkinson County, Mississippi who has large 
planting interests in that section of the state and 
employes many negroes, told me the following: — 
Among the many of his employees was a negro 
man by the name of Mose, who was noted for his 
shady deeds and a lack of telling the truth. It 
was announced one day that Mose was going to 
preach on a certain night in a school house on the 
plantation. This was considered a great joke by 
all the negroes and they expected to have a great 
deal of fun out of the occasion. They invited the 
"Boss Man" to go over to the "preachin," which 
invitation he accepted, but was careful not to go 
into the building, for he did not want to be a party 
to anything that seemed to partake of sacrilege. 
But it was fun for the dusky auditors. They 

16 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

grew so hilarious thai indignant, and 

decided to put a stop to it. So he said: "Now 
niggahs, Ize tired ob yer lanin' and I tells y'o to 
stop it; ef ye dont, I'll pray God Almighty to 
smite y'o dead." Not another one dared to laugh 
but two or three were so full they could not hold 
in and they began to sneak out. But Mose was 
indignant at this and said: "I say fur not 'nother 
niggar to go out ob dis house, ef he do, I'll pray 
God Almighty to smite y'o dead." Not another 
negro moved till Mose had pronounced the bene- 
diction. 

Ready In An Emergency. This story is told 
on a colored preacher who was holding a meeting 
in a tobacco barn in a rural district in Kentucky. 
An empty tobacco hogshead was pressed into ser- 
vice as a platform upon which the darkey stood to 
deliver his sermon. He soon warmed up to his 
subject and got excited. Throwing his arms 
above his head and elevating one foot he exclaim- 
ed: "De righteous shall rise and de wicked shall 
fall." At the word "Pall" he brought his foot 
down with power upon the hogshead, and through 
he went to the ground, out of sight, as he wa* 

19 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

short of stature. This of course caused an up- 
roar among his auditors, bub quick as a flash he 
pulled himself up and as his head came in view, 
he said: 

"Bless God, dey shall rise ergin." 

Two Purchasers For One Hog. Booker T. 
Washington is responsible for this one, as I get it. 
An old negro farmer sold a hog to a white man 
who happened to be passing by. The man start- 
ed home with his purchase, and after a mile or so 
seperated him from the old darkey, the hog got 
loose and of course returned to its original owner. 
Shortly after its return, another white man hap- 
pened to be passing by, and he wanted the hog 
also, and in a few moments a bargain had been 
consummated between him and the old negro. So 
he went on his way, and very soon was met by the 
first purchaser who had gone back to get his run- 
away animal. He at once recognized the hog as 
his propert3 T , but was told by purchaser No. 2 
that he had also bought the hog and had paid 
three dollars for it. They agreed to both return 
to the seller and have the matter straightened out. 
When they both faced the old negro, and each 

20 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

asking him if they did not buy the hog and pay for 
it, he said: "I guess y'o did boss." "Well what 
are you going to do about this matter?" they both 
asked him. 

His reply was: "Y'o white folks go long an 
settle yer difficulties 'tween y'o selves." 

A New Definition Of Baptism. A friend in 
Amory, Mississippi, told me this one which he 
witnessed with his own eyes and hoard with his 
own ears. There had been a protracted meeting 
in the negro church near the town and at the close 
of the meeting the candidates were to be baptized. 
A number of the late joiners were taken out into 
the Creek by the preacher to be immersed. Some 
one had evidently been wanting some scriptural 
authority for this kind of baptism. The preacher, 
ready to immerse a candidate, said: 

"I'ze been asked to splain why 'mersion is 
baptism. It am too plain to need splainin'. Now 
when I puts dis heah man down in de water, 
his backbit de water an as it do it say, 'b-a-p.' 
When I brings him outen de water, de water it 
run toce^der an say 't-i-s.m.' " 

21 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

Correcting A Statement. The Argonaut re- 
cently sent forth the following: A colored pastor, 
upon the occasion of delivering a forceful harran- 
gue to his congregation, said: "I sees befor' me 
twelve chicken thieves, including William San- 
ders." Now Sandy was a handy man with his 
razor, and the parsons friends urged him to set 
things right with Sanders at the first opportunity. 
The parson made on the next Sunday the follow- 
ing announcement: "Brethern, at our last meeting 
I made a statement which, after mature delibera- 
tion, I desire to correct, realizing as I do that my 
remarks upon that occasion might not have been 
understood correctly. What I should have said 
was:" 

"There are in this congregation twelve chick- 
en thieves, not includin' William Sanders. " 

In The Police Court. A pair of recently 
married negroes were up before "de Jedge" to 
have their maratial troubles adjusted. The 
groom only was questioned as to what their differ- 
ences were. He said: 

"Jedge, I jist can't satisfy dat gal wid 
money. Its money all de time, de firs' thing in 

22 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

de mo'nin' is money, an de las' thing at night is 
money, an' Jedge, I'ze tired ob bein' all de time 
pulled fer money." 

Said the Judge: "Sandy, how much have you 
given her?" 

"I aint done gib her none yit," was the reply. 

Not Coin* Nowhar. This one was told me 
by an employee of the Street Railway of Jackson, 
Miss. Over at the little town of Forest, Miss., 
the county jail is right on the side of the road, 
and the "jail birds" frequently enjoy a diversion 
by talking to the negroes who passed by. An old 
darkey was passing, and a negro on the inside of 
the jail hollowed out: "Howd'y' Uncle Ephreni."' 
Uncle Eph, without raising his head replied, 
"Howd'y Niggah," but kept going right on. Then 
the fellow in the jail said: "What time is ix> Uncle 
Ephrem?" Uncle Eph did not raise his head, but 
kept going on, but retorted: 

''What diffunce does it inaketo>'o, Niggah, 
what time it am, y'us not gwine nowhar nohow." 

The Tagged Dog. An old darkey took a dog 

to the station to have him expressed. The 

23 



NEGEO WIT AND H U M O E 

had been tagged, with the owners name and place 
of destination on the tag. On the way to the sta- 
tion, the dog had in some way gotten the tag off. 
When the station master asked the old negro 
where the dog was going to the darkey replied: 
"Dunno Boss, he done et up de place whar he 
wus gwine to." 

The Negro A Fine Collector. There are no 
better collectors in the world than the average 
negro. If you owe one anything from a penny to 
a pound, you had better make arrangements to 
pay it, if you count peace and tranquility of spirit 
worth anything. This good collecting proclivity 
is developed early in life, as is shown by the fol- 
lowing little experience. In the printing office we 
pay off always on Saturday afternoon. At the 
time in question all the employees had gotten 
their envelopes but little Johnnie, who was 
the office "devil." I was going to go off on the 
train, and had Johnnie take me to the depot in 
the buggy. I had his envelope in my pocket, ex- 
pecting to give it to him when getting to the sta- 
tion. On the way Johnnie said: "Mr. H. , is it fur 
wha' y'o is gwine?" I said: "Yes Johnnie, it is 

24 



NEGRO WIT A N n > M H 

about 140 miles." He pulled up the lines, began 
to jerk nervously at the reins, gave the horse a cut 
with the whip and said: 

"Mr. H., does y'o want to see me fo' y'o 
goes?" 

I said: "Yes Johnnie, I have your money in 
my pocket." 

Forgiving One Another. Ben was a colored 
man owned by a physician. Because of Ben's 
loyalty, his master loved him very much, and 
when the physician thought Ben was going to die 
decided to have a talk with him. So the doctor 
said: 

"Ben, you have been a good slave, and I love 
you, but you must soon go to your long home, I 
have come to ask you if you are ready, it* you have 
anything in your heart against anybody." 

Ben commenced, as he looked up into the face 
of his master to say: 

"Massa, y'o knows ole Zeke. Zeke al'us pose 
me in everything I do. I nevah did like dat nig- 
gah Zeke. I jes tells y'o right now I'zs nevah 
gwine ter fo'give dat niggah Zeke." 

"Ben," the doctor said, "God will never for- 

25 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

give you then. I want to meet you in heaven. I 
am anxious that you be saved, and I will get down 
on my knees by your side, and while I pray you 
pray too." 

The doctor kneeled by the negro's bedside 
and began to pray. Ben prayed too, and all at 
once he said: 

"Massa, I'ze done 'cided what I'ze gwine ter 
do." 

The doctor asked him for his decision in the 
matter, when Ben replied: 

"I'ze 'cided if I dies, I'ze gwine ter fergive 
Zeke, but if I gets well, I tell y'o dat niggah Zeke 
had better get out ob de way." 

Hunting A Job. The way the average negro 
tries to get a position of any kind, is to go to the 
door of the "white man" and ask: 

"Does y'u don't want nobody to do nothin' fer 
yo'?" 

There are in the United States, belonging to 
the negro race, Colleges, Universities, Denomi- 
national and Private Schools of all classes and 
kinds, reported by the latest "Year Book" a total 
of 550. 

26 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

The Ceese Not A Barrier. While we cannot 
vouch for the authenticity of this story, we can 
attest the "naturalness" of it. A woman, whose 
cook had been locked up for stealing two geese, 
paid the cook's fine and had her turned loose. In 
about a week or so afterwards there was to be a 
special communion service in the colored church 
to which the cook belonged. She informed her 
employer on Saturday that she could not be back 
on Sunday to get dinner as she wanted to be at 
church for communion service. "Huldy," said the 
white lady, "do you mean to tell me that you are 
going to church tomorrow and take of the sacred 
communion, when it has only been two weeks 
since you were in jail for stealing geese, and I had 
to bail you out?" Huldy replied: 

"Law Miss, does yo' spose Ize gwine to let 
two old geese come 'tween me and de Lawd?" 

De Animal Confer'nce. A negro preacher 
returning from his annual conference, and relat- 
ing his experiences during his stay, said: 

"I'ze bin to de animal confer'nce, an de 
bishop wanted ter make me a slidin' elder, but I 
tole him I'de rudder be a circus preacher/ ' 

27 



NEOH© WIf AN© HWMQn 

Making It Emphatic. Two dusky damsels 
were at outs. One was a " 'siety lady," while the 
other was a corn field negro. The society damsel 
on meeting her enemy, and appearing to want to 
be friendly, said in the sweetest voice she could 
command: 

"Whar is y'o gwine dis mon'in'?" 

The other raised her nose at an angle of about 
forty- five degrees and replied: 

"Its none yer bisness whar I'ze gwine; I'ze 
gwinter whar I'ze gwinter, dats whar I'ze gwin- 
ter." 

The Nacher'l Way. This one may be a little 
old, but it or its equivalent has happened some- 
where along the line. I'll vouch for it. A good 
man took pity on a little "Pickaninny" and gave 
him a dollar to buy him a Christmas turkey. 
When his "Mammy" saw him with the dollar she 
asked him how he came in possession of it, told 
her the dollar had been given him by "a white 
gem men" to buy a Christmas turkey. His 
mammy said: 

"Abe Lincum, gib me dat dollah, an y'u go an 
git de turkey in de nacher'l way." 

28 



NKGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

He Forgot The Name. A prominent lady in 
a prosperous little Delta town told me this one. 
She had a house boy by the name of "Goobe." 
She sent Goobe to the store one day after geletine 
for a dessert for dinner. Of course he forgot the 
name of the article for which he was sent. As 
best the clerk could get at it, the boy wanted 
something for desert, and he sent a package of 
glucose to the lady. When he reached home the 
landlady asked Goobe if he had gotten the gele- 
tine, he replied: 

"Law, Miss Fox, y'o done sent me for gele- 
kin an' I got bluclose." 

The Negro And Honesty. Negroes are uni 
verally condemmed by some people as being dis- 
honest, and of a great many, this is true. But 
the white race, and all other races have some dis- 
honest material to look out for. It is a hard mat- 
ter to determine whether or not the race has made 
as rapid strides in the matter of honesty as it has 
in other directions. But in justice to the race I 
want to give an illustration of the honest principle 
that was in some of the race immediately follow- 
ing the Civil War. 

29 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

This story was told me by a friend, of Dunn- 
ville, Ky., and whose veracity I never heard called 
in question. As this gentleman related the mat- 
ter to me, there was in the "Green River Coun- 
try" a large farm with many slaves. One of them 
had bought his and his wife's freedom before the 
war began, and had begun to pay for his daugh- 
ter's freedom. He had paid one-third, or $500.00 
on the debt and had given his note for the balance 
of the $1,500. The war set the negroes free, and 
of course this cancelled the obligations on the 
negro girl. The old negro was told that he did 
not have to pay as the negroes were set free. But 
he said it was a just debt, and he wanted to pay it 
and he did. This illustration of honesty would 
put many a man to shame who talks recklessly 
about the dishonesty of all negroes. 

Fluctuating Membership. A colored pastor 
was asked as to the numerical strength of his 
congregation, and he replied: 

"Dat depens on de season ob de yeah; in de 
'vival season mighty neah all is members, but in 
de backslidin time dares ginerally only me, an 
Aunt Jane, an ole Uncle Peter." 

30 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

The "Devil" In A Printing Office. Little 
Johnnie was a twelve year old darkey just from 
the country come to town to get a job. He was 
about as unlikely a specimen as could be found. 
I employed him as "devil" in my printing office. 
He had never talked over a telephone in his life. 
One day he was told to answer the 'phone if it 
rang. Presently he came rushing up into the 
composing room, almost out of breath, and when 
asked what was the matter, replied: 

"I'ze done hollered in dat telegram." 

"Well, what did they say?" was asked Johnie. 

His reply was: "Dey said sen' somebody dare 

to talk what can talk." 

Too Many Societies. An old colored preach- 
er was asked how his church was getting along 
and his answer was: 

"Mighty po, mighty po, Brudder'" 

When asked the trouble with his church he 
replied: 

"Dem 'cieties, 'cieties. Dey is jes drawin' all 
de fatness an de marrow outen de body an' de 
bones ob de blessed Lawds body. We can't do 
nuftin widout de 'ciety. Dere is de Lincum 'ciety 

31 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

wid Sister Jones an Brudder Jones to run it; 
Sister Williams mus' march in front ob de Daugh- 
ter's ob Rebecca. Den dare is de Dorcuses, de 
Marthas, de Daughter's ob Ham, an Libernian 
Ladies." 

"Well, you have the brethren to help in the 
work of the church," was suggested. 

"No sah, dar am de Masons, de Odd Fellers, 
de Sons ob Ham, de Oklahoma Promised Lan' 
Pilgrims an de Independent Order ob de Sons an 
Daughters ob Jacob ob America. Why, Brudder, 
by de time de Brudders an Sisters pays de dues 
an tends all de meetins dere is nuthin lef for Mt. 
Pisgah church but jis de cob; de corn hab been 
shelled ofT and f rowed to dese speckled chickens." 

Equal To Any Emergency. It is difficult t 
get the average negro in so close a place that he 
cannot find a perfectly plausible explanation, or a 
good getting out place. The following little story 
was told me by a friend, and illustrates this dis- 
position to perfection. Among the race are to be 
found preachers not a few. These, as a rule, are 
not all sanctified. With some the ministry is only 
a cloak for rascality. Well, as the story goes, a 

32 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

parson was hauled up for stealing chickens. The 
judge asked him: 

"Are you guilty, or not guilty?" 
"Jedge, I'se not guilty," was the reply. 
Then with a sound lecture to the old preacher 
to live above suspicion, and many other admoni- 
tions to righteousness, to all of which the old 
negro gracefully consented, the judge turned him 
loose. As he was about to leave he reached under 
his seat to get his sack which he carried, and in 
which was a chicken. In the scramble the chick- 
ed got loose and ran across the room. The judge 
said: 

"Now Uncle, you have the chicken with you, 
what have you to say to that?" 

As quick as a flash, the old negro replied: 
"Jedge, all I'se got to say is, de man what put 
dat chicken in dis here sack, am no fren' ob 
mine." 

Hard On Written Sermons. Sometimes a 
young negro preacher writes a sermon. Visiting 
such a one an old colored preacher thus addressed 
his young brother: 

"Dat will neber do. Y'o see de debil he stans 



33 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

right behin' y'o desk, an he is lookin over y'o 
shoulder an seein ebery word y'o write, an when 
y'o come inter de pulpit on Sunday, hes der befo' 
y'o, and knows ebery argument y'or gwine ter 
use, an he can answer dem all. Now my young 
brudder, when I gets up ter preach de debil hiself 
cant tell what I'ze gwine ter say." 

Kotched Him Wid De Hoss. A lawyer had 
been engaged to defend a young negro in one of 
the Delta counties, charged with stealing a horse. 
It was a hard-fought case, and ordinarily the 
negro would have been found guilty, but the at- 
torneys confused the jury with technicalities and 
managed to secure an acquittal. 

A few days later the lawyer was much sur- 
prised when the grandfather of the young negro 
walked into the office and stated that he again 
wanted his services to defend the boy on the 
charge of horse stealing. 

"Well, uncle," said the lawyer, "if I was you 
I wouldn't waste any more money on that negro. 
He seems to be a hopeless case. My conscience 
has been worrying me about that other trial, for I 
am inclined to believe that we committed an abor- 

34 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

tion of justice in getting him out of the scrape." 

"Yassah, yassah, dat's so," replied the old 
darkey, "but I'se 'gwine to try en git him out dis 
time, an den if he gits in anoder scrape, I'se 
gwine ter let him go on to de tenipentiary." 

"Well, what sort of evidence have they got 
against him this time?" asked the lawyer. 

"Dat's jes' de pint," exclaimed the old darkey 
"dey ain't got er bit ob evidence erginst dat nig- 
gah." 

"Well, surely they've got evidence of some 
sort," said the lawyer, "otherwise he would not 
have been arrested." 

"Boss, I 'clare fo' goodness, dey aint got er 
bit ob evidence erainst dat boy, 'xcusin' de fact 
dat dey kotched him wid de hoss." 

No Race Suicide Here. The Birmingham 
Advertiser of August 21st had the following 
special in its columns: 

"Bull Moose triplets are the latest in Ethiopi- 
an circles of East Birmingham. However, two of 
them are girls. 

The mother is a corpulent negro woman, who 

87 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

gives her name as Mary Williams, and who lives 
at 5310 Ninth Avenue, North. 

The boy weighs eight pounds and the girls 
seven and one-half pounds each. 

The mother of the triplets told Patrolman 
O'Neal, who saw the three aces on the front porch 
of the home, that she didn't have but seven other 
children and "sho wuz proud uve dese beauties." 

She also told the officer that being very fond 
of "Mr. Teddy Roosevelt's" ideas on race suicide, 
she had named all three of the late arrivals after 
the "big man." 

When asked what were the names given, she 
answered, "One uve de little gals is named Rosa- 
velt Williams, de yether one is named Theodosia, 
an' de boy we calls Theodore Teddy Williams. 
Dey is gwine ter be some niggers, boss; you 
watch whut I tells you/' 

Go Away Grammer. Uncle Ben was an old 

time darkey, the butler in a prominent Louisville 
family. He had a son who was about as worthless 
a specimen of the modern shiftless kind as you 
would be liable to meet. 

One day the young man took it into his head 

38 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

to get married, saying nothing to the old man 
who knew that he had nothing to get married on, 
and would not be likely to approve. However, a 
rumor of what had happened reached the old man, 
and he sent for his son, and took him to task. 
The young man stood first on one foot and then 
on the other, trying to think what to say. Finally 
a bright idea struck him. He said: "Well I aint 
sayin' I aint." This did not puzzle the old man 
for an instant. He said : 

''Look heah, you good for nuffin' trash, I aint 
askin' you, is you aint; I'se askin' you, aint you 
is." 

He Didn't Want That Run. Frank Harri- 
son, the general sales manager of the popular 
West Virginia Pulp & Paper Co., who is a South- 
erner and loaded with darkey stories, told recent- 
ly of a negro who wanted to be made a can ier on 
a rural free delivery route. He made his applica- 
tion and went before the examing board, whose 
members were men he had known all his life. He 
was therefore somewhat dazed at being treated as 
an absolute stranger, and was asked sternly: 

"What's your name?" 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

"Sam Johnson, sah." 

"Well, Mr. Johnson, where were you born?" 

"Now, y'o looka heah boss, you done knowed 
whah I'se bawn. I'se bawn right on yoah oP 
father's fahm." 

"Never mind that, Mr. Johnson. You were 
born in Piedmont. Now, Mr. Johnson, tell this 
Board how many miles it is from the earth to the 
moon." 

"Huh! Boss, I can't tell dat, an' I'se gwine to 
quit dis heah job right now. You all can't put me 
on no such run as dat." 

What Is Prayed For. An old darkey who 
was asked if in his experience prayer was ever 
answered, replied: "Well, sah, some pra'as is an- 
sud an' some isn't — 'pends on what yo' asks fo'. 
Jest arter de wah, w'en it was mighty hard 
scratchin' fo' de culled brudren, I 'bsarved dat 
whenebber I pway de Lo'd to sen' one o' Massa 
Peyton's fat turkeys fo' de ole man, dere was no 
notice took ob' de partition; but w'en I pway dat 
he would sen' de ole man fo* de turkey, de ting 
was 'tended to befo' sunup nex' mornin' dead sar- 
tin." 

40 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

Another High Up In Life. In 190B I was 
in Washington City, and of course there are no 
more interesting places there nor anywhere than 
our National Buildings. And there was nothing 
there more interesting to me than the Negroes of 
Washington, notwithstanding I am among them 
all the time and have been all my life. I thought 
I would see if being in Washington would change 
their disposition, talk or their peculiarities. One 
negro that I watched very closely, was a guide in 
the War Department. A friend and I had gone 
through the Department by ourselves, till just 
before making the rounds, when w T e came up on a 
party with the old darkey in question leading the 
way, and explaining everything. We ended the 
journey, closing up in the Diplomatic room. Here 
the old negro explained everything; showed where 
the Diplomats from every nation sat, explained 
all the pictures on the walls, w T ent through his 
stereotyped speech, growing more eloquent all 
the time. After finishing his spiel, the vital 
moment had come. He told about how long- he 
had been in this guide business, explaining thai 
he was not on any salary, but made his living 

41 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 



from the free will offerings from those whom he 
had served. He said he would now take the offer- 
ing. Turning to my friend and me, he said: 

"Now these two gentlemen have not been with 
us all the way, just fell in with our crowd in the 
other room, and of course I could nob expect any- 
thing from them." "But," he continued, "if they 
have any thing to throw away, of course I would 
be glad for them to throw it my way." 

I said to my friend, that is the genuine ar- 
ticle, just like a regular Mississippi negro for the 
world. They know the art of collecting. 

"Sin Killer Griffin," The Evangelist. There 
are many negroes in the ministrj- with wonderful 
executive characteristics, and some with tremen- 
dous magnetic powers. Among this class was an 
immense negro by the name of "Sin Killer" Grif- 
fin, whose headquarters some years ago seemed to 
be principally in Dallas, Texas. At least this is 
where he was holding forth when I got acquainted 
with him by reputation. One peculiarity of his 
was taking his own collections. He said: 

"He had been liftin' his own collections since 
one of de deacons in de congregation one night 

42 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

tetched his collection." 

When anyone attempted to put a quarter in 
his hat and takeout change, "Sin Killer" would 
at once draw back the hat and say: 

"No sah, no mans hand goes in my hat," and 
would hand back the change himself. 

A friend of mine was telling me about a ser- 
vice he attended of the Reverend "Sin Killer," 
while holding forth in the city of Terrell, Texas. 
The Reverend gentleman had been preaching 
for about one week with apparently no success, at 
least in the way of additions. "Sin Killer" had 
stood the apathy in the meeting long enough, and 
was determined to bring things to a head this 
night. So after the preliminaries he said: 

"Brethren, I'ze been preachin' here for a 
week now, and not a nigger has come through. I 
tells y'o, some nigger has got to come through 
this night. I'ze gittin tired ob preachin' widout 
results. If some one don't come, I'ze gwine to 
bring the world to an end." 

Then prancing frantically across the stage a 
few times, and gesticulating as he moved bis pon- 
derous body, he kneeled down on one end of the 

43 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

platform, with his hands lifted aloft, with up- 
raised head, eyes closed, and in a voice that sound- 
ed like the "rushing of many waters," he yelled: 
"Gabriel! Gabriel! Come and come quick." 
Some good old sister shouted, "Glory to God" 
and the ball was set rolling, and before the meet- 
ing closed that night, many had "come through." 

And Another One. Up near Amory, Miss., 
is a man fond of the chase, and frequently brings 
back a deer from the hunt. He had a trusty 
negro man who was always on the job with the 
big white man of Nimrod proclivities. The negro 
was always ready to vouch for any statement 
made by the hunter. On bringing in a fine deer 
one day, to the admiration of the negro attendant, 
the hunter thought he would see how big a yarn 
he could tell and have the negro testify to it. So, 
when asked how he killed the deer said: 

"I shot him through the right foot and right 
ear." 

The crowd began to look suspicious about the 
story and expressed their disbelief in it, when the 
hunter called on the negro to testify to it, which 
he very promptly did. Then one in the crowd 

44 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

called on the negro to explain how he could shoot 
a deer through the right ear and the right foot at 
the same time. The darkey's replies was: 

"Boss, dats easy. Y'u see, de deer he raise 
his right foot to scratch his year, and while he 
was a scratchin', Mr. Johnsing, he jest shot him 
an de ball go f ru bof de foot an de year at de same 
time." 

When the crowd had gone, the negro came up 
to Mr. Johnson and said: 

"Mr. Johnsing, don't y'o tell nuthing like dat 
ergin, cause it wus all I could do to make dat 
story reasunable." 

High Sounding Distinction. A. negro was 
being examined on the witness stand, and in the 
midst of the examination, this question w T as asked 
him: 

"Did you say he was a barrow, and if so what 
do you mean by that name?" 

"Yas sah," said the witness, "a barrow 7 am a 
hog widout any social distinction in de community 
in which he do reside." 

He Had Only Two Gaits. A lineman in Oak 

45 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOH 

Cliff, Texas, told me this one as coming under his 
experiences. He had a negro man up on a tele- 
graph pole stringing a wire, and it seemed that 
the negro would never finish his job. The fore- 
man getting tired of the darkey's slow motions, 
demanded to know if he could not go a little fas- 
ter, if he could not get another "gait" upon him. 
The negro replied: 

"Boss, I'ze only got one udder gait, an its a 
slower one dan dis here one." 

Not Er'zackly Enough. My brother, who 
was foreman of the printing office, always 
brought his dinner with him. After eating one 
day he observed Johnnie sitting close by, and he 
asked Johnnie if he had had his dinner. Johnnie 
said: 'Yas sah." 

"All right," said my brother, "I only thought 
if you had not, I have some left here wh ich you 
could have." 

As quick as a flash, Johnnie replied: 

"Do'n know as I had er'zackly enough." 

Campaign Illustrations. The Senatorial 
campaign of 1911 in Mississippi was one of the 

46 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

most Intense and exciting in the history of the 
state. The negroes, though practically disfran- 
chised, entered into the feeling of the situation, 
though they sometimes got matters a little mixed, 
as the following will illustrate: 

Two negroes up in the Delta country, which 
is a haven for the negroes, got to discussing the 
Senatorial situation, and one of them asked the 
other how many of "dem Mr. Vardemans was 
dere runnin'?" When he was told there were two 
he then asked: "what dey names?" 

"Why, dars Mr. Anti-Vardeman, and Mr. 
James K. Vardeman, dat stole de battle ship." 

The Evangslist's Experience. An evangelist 
of the Christian Church in Georgia, Bro. E. L. 
Shelnut, was holding a little meeting for the 
negroes in Eastman, Georgia, and he had them to 
preside at the preliminary part of the service. At 
one service a young negro man was asked to lead 
in prayer. He started out with his voice pitched 
on a high key, and said: 

"Lord, we thank Thee that Thou did'st let de 
sun rise dis mo'nin' and went streakin' 'cross de 
blue easter an' set behiu' de western horizontal." 

47 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

He said much more of the same kind, but 
Bro. Shelnut was so filled up with this opening 
sentence that he could not remember what fol- 
lowed. 

"Dat Mule." "Down in Janesville, where I 
used to live," relates Dr. Washburn Yunt, "there 
was an old colored man who owned a mule. He 
had more respect for that mule than for any man, 
white or black. The old man claimed that the an- 
imal could do anything but talk, and that he did- 
ent talk because he understood the superior wis- 
dom of keeping still. 

Well, one day that mule was lost, strayed or 
stolen. Uncle Billy nearly had a fit. He searched 
diligently all day long and at the end of the day 
he was about ready to lay down and die. A friend 
tried to help him. 

'Uncle Billy,' he said, 'why dont you advertise 
for that mule? 

'Whyan't ah what?' 

'Advertise. Put a piece in the paper saying 
that he is lost. That will bring him back if any- 
thing will. ' 

48 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

'Uncle Billy laughed for the first time that 
day.' 

'White man,' he said between chuckles, 'dat 
mule am a powerful smaht animal, he sho am — 
but, Lawd bles yo' he can't read de newspapas.' " 

Going Some. The recently appointed chief 
justice is a pretty good story teller, says the New 
York Tribune. He was formerly a Louisiana 
sugar planter, and this is one of the stories attrib- 
uted to him: 

Two negroes on a Louisiana plantation be- 
came involved in a row with another Ethiopian, 
who was handy with a gun. The two started to 
run about the time the bad man began to shoot. 
The fleeing ones had proceeded about a hundred 
yards when the following occurred: 

"Sam, you hear dat bullet?" 

"Yas, I hearn it — two times." 

"How you mean two times?" asked the ques- 
tioner, as he quickened his pace. 

"I hearn dat bullet once when it passed me, 
and den anudder time when I passed it," jerked 
out Sam between short breaths, 



49 



M 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

Morey Wanted. "Brudren," said a darkey 
down on a plantation, "brudren, I's got a five-dol- 
lar sermon, an' a two-dollar sermon, an' a one- 
dollar sermon, an' I want dis here indelicate audi- 
ence to take up a collection as to which one ob 
dem dey can afford to hear." 

Words And Work. "Brudren" said a darkey 
in a prayer-meeting, "I feels like I could talk mo' 
good in five minutes dan I could do in a year." 

Able To Deceive The "Elect." The follow 
ing is taken from the Daily Clarion Ledger, Jack- 
son, Miss., and a true report of a circumstance oc- 
curing at the time. 

"Last night another delegation of negroes 
passed up the Illinois Central bound for the plan- 
tations of the upper Mississippi. There were 
perhaps a hundred of them; negroes of all sorts 
and kinds, descriptions and colors, ages and 
sexes, in fact any and all sorts and varieties of 
the race, happy and contented, going to look for 
an Eldorado, but there was one who didn't go, and 
the labor agent who had the bunch in charge is 
wondering what became of him. 

He was a sleek, fat, robust plow-hand -looking 

50 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

sort of a darkey and walking up to the agent, who 
had the darkies in charge, accosted him with: 

'Say, boss, whar you takin' all dese niggers?' 

The agent told him and then entered into a 
glowing description of the river section, telling 
him he was carrying them to a country where 
every acre of land produced three bales of cotton, 
and that corn grew three stalks to the hill, with 
six ears to each stalk and a hoecake on top. 

'Stop right dar, boss, dats enuf, put me down 
as a member of dat congregation.' 

The agent was overjoyed at having received 
such a valuable accession to his ranks of laborers, 
and told the negro to get himself ready to get 
aboard, but the coon informed him that he owed a 
board bill that would have to be settled before be 
could get his trunk, and invited the agent around 
to his boarding house. There the bill was settled 
by the agent paying out $13.50 of good hard coin 
of the realm, the negroes trunk sent to the depot 
and duly checked, after a ticket had been 
bought for him. He was the best pleased coon in 
town, and informed the agent that while he was 
waiting for the train he would go and get him an- 

51 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

other good field hand. And he went, and is still 
gone. The agent waited and the negro failing 
to appear at train time the agent went to investi" 
gate the trunk. It was a heavy affair and seemed 
to be well filled. Thinking he might find some- 
thing that would put him on the track of the miss- 
ing coon, he opened it, and his gaze fell upon the 
prettiest and best collection of brick-bats and pld 
rags that a labor agent ever beheld. 

The conductor yelled 'all aboard,' and with a 
last lingering look at the evidence of how he had 
been 'gold-bricked' he made a hasty dive for the 
disappearing train and caught it just in time not 
to 'get left' again." 

The Southerner and the Negro. There is no 
truer friend to the Southern negro than the white 
people among whom he has been raised, provided 
the negro is what he ought to be; if he conducts 
himself in an upright and honorable way, as the 
following dispatch will show. The. dispatch is 
from Clinton, Mississippi to the Daily Clarion 
Ledger, of Jackson, Miss. 

"Clinton, Miss., March 10. — One of the fam- 
iliar figures of this place was laid to rest today in 

52 




One of the leading Negro Banks, the Southern, 
Jackson, Mississippi. 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

the private burial ground of the Leake- Johnston 
family, Bill Johnson was his name and though a 
negro he will not soon be forgotten by the gener- 
ations that have come and gone in Clinton. 

He was born as a slave to the Governor Leake 
estate, and for many years of his life belonged to 
Judge Henry Goodloe Johnston upon whom he 
had waited during that gentleman's lifetime, and 
on account of his faithfulness to his old master, 
Judge Johnston deeded him a piece of land upon 
which he lived until death overtook him on Sun- 
day last. 

Bill Johnson was held in the highest esteem 
by the citizens of the place, being personally 
known to all. For years he had carried the mail 
between the depot and town, and during his long 
service no question as to his character or veracity 
was ever raised. His funeral was attended today 
by many people, who saw the earth close over the 
good old negro, and placed flowers upon his newly 
made grave, among them Mrs. Agnes Buckley 
formerly of Clinton, but now of Jackson." 

"Dis-rememberin' De Tex\ M It w*& oua- 

tomiry during slavery timoa, for a nagro prfcach' 

55 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 



er to take bis master to church of a Sunday morn- 
ing, driving the "big kerridge" to the meeting 
house, and then take a seat in the gallery of the 
church. Nearly all old time churches, especially 
in slavery days, were built with a gallery in front 
provided for the negroes. On the occasion of 
which this is said to represent, a very scholarly 
Presbyterian preacher, who owned slaves, had 
among the number a faithful house servant who 
was also a preacher. This slave preacher took 
his master and family to church one Sunday 
morning and listened to his master preach an 
able sermon upon the text: "Let him that loveth 
not the Lord Jesus Christ, be anathema, maran- 
atha." So in the afternoon the negro preacher 
went out to deliver the same sermon to the colored 
folks. After his preliminaries he said: 

"Bredderin an' sisterin', I'ze gwinter preach 
to yo, from a powerful purty tex\ disrememberin' 
zackly what it say, but it am something like dis: 
'let him d at loveth not de Lawd Jesus Chris', be 
a nabbin' at him an' a grabbin' at him.' " 

A question answered in the affirmative: 
"Ya's Sah! Boss." 



56 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

Date Of The Abolition Of Slavery In Various 

American Countries. 

Haiati 1793 French W. Ind . . . 1848 

Guadalupe 1794 Venezuela 1854 

Chili Oct. 10, 1811 Dutch West Indies 

Columbia.. .Jul 19, 1821 ai d Dutch Guiana.1863 

Mexico. ...Sep 15, 1829 Un States.DeclS, 1865 

Bri. Pos. in Am . . .1834 Porto Rico 1873 

Ecuador 1845 Cuba 1886 

Danish W. Ind. . . . 1848 Brazil 1888 

Whean a negroes' mule balks, shakes his head 
or refuses to go, his driver says: 

"Dat's what make me hate a mule so." 

Negro Proverb. "When a niggah gits mad, 
he can fin' a stick or a stone whar de good Lawd 
nebber intend one to be." 

Talking about the severity of the winter, and 
winter sleeping in the lap of spring, an old time 
darkey said, "he had always 'bsarved when he 
live fro d3 month ob March, he libed de res' ob de 
yeah." 



67 



#art atom 



DIALECT VERSE 

NEGRO LOVE SONG 

JOSEPH S. COTTER. 

I lobes your han's, gal; yea I do. 

(I'se gwine ter wed ter-morro'.) 
I lobes your earnings thro' an' thro'. 

(I'se gwine ter wed ter-morro'.) 
Now, heah de truf. I'se mos' nigh broke; 
I wants ter take you fer my yoke; 

So let's go wed ter-morro'. 
Now, don't look shy, an' don't say no. 

(I'se gwine ter wed ter-morro'.) 
I hope you don't expects er sho' 

When we two weds ter-morro'. 
I needs er licends — you knows I do — 
I'll borrow de price ob de same frum you, 

An' den we weds ter-morro'. 
How pay you back? In de reg'ler way. 

When you becomes my honey 
You'll habe myself fer de princ'pal pay, 

An' my faults fer de interes' money. 
Dat suits you well? Dis cash is right. 
So we two weds ter-morro' night, 

An' you wuks all de ter-morro's. 

61 



H Jt ft ■ Q W I ¥ AMP H If M © it 
UNCLE RUBEN'S REFLECTIONS. 

A. J. Aven. 



I w'u'd Jes like ter know whut we's all a guiner do, 

While a-passin' th'rough de times we is now a passin' 

th'ough, 
Fer de times is a-changin' an' a-changin' mighty fas', 
An' it's neber any tellin' whut is guiner come ter pass; 
Fer ter do whut y'u will, or ter do whut y'u won't, 
It's de debel, ef y'u does, an' de debel, ef y'u don't. 

Now it use ter be de case, ef a skeeter sorter bite, 
An' w'u'd kiner wake y'u up, ef a-sleepin' in de night, 
Dat y'u done a little cussin', an' a-slappin' in de win', 
But y'u tho't no mo' about it dan a baby w'u'd uv sin; 
When a sketer bite y'u now, y'u mus' git a box uv pills, 
Fer de skeeters now-a-days has de rankes' p'isin bills. 

Now it use ter be de case, when y'u sorter fell in love, 
Dat y'u had a kiner feelin' like y'ur heart wus guiner move, 
But wus alius mighty happy fer ter hoi' y'ur lady's han\ 
When de time w'u'd come aroun' fer ter take de bridal 

stan'; 
When y'u sees 'em co'tin' now, y'u mos' gen'ly can affirm, 
Dat de love as whut dey got is de 'sease uv "lover germ." 

Now it use ter be de case, when de people wus at work, 
An' dey got a little sluggish, an' begin ter sorter shirk, 
Dat y'u call 'em kiner lazy, but a littl' shade an' res', 
Furty soon w'u'd bring 'em out, for ter do deir lebel bes'; 
Now de 'scuse y'u alius makes fer de lazy fo'ks y'u sees, 

62 



NSOXO W i 'i' AND HUMOH 

Dat a wo'm is got 'em hooked wid a hlgh-falutln' 'sease. 

Now it use ter be de case y'u c'u'd eat a pone uv bread, 
Wid a plenty butter-milk, atter which y'u went ter bed, 
All de night a'sleepin soun', all de day-a-feelin' well, 
Dar wus neber any doctar, fer y'u neber had a spell; 
But de meal dat now y'u gits, has a lot uv p'isin' stuff, 
Dat wJ'.: give y'u pellagra, ef y'u eats a-half enough. 

Now it use ter be de case dat y'u had de flour mill, 
An' about onct a week, all de bags y'u hatter fill 
Wid the fines' kiner wheat, fer ter git de flour groun'. 
An' de biskits whut it made alius mighty good an' brown; 
But de flour now-a-days, taint a-fittin, fer ter eat, 
Fer y'u gits de 'pendicitis out'n eber grain uv wheat. 

Now it use ter be de case, ef y'u needed sump'n teat, 
Dat y'u e't all y'u wanted uv de fates' kiner meat; 
In de col' winter days, it w'u'd keep y'u good an' warm, 
Whedder snowin' or a-sleetin', dar wus neber any harm; 
Now de time is come ter pass, ter de danger y'u mus' wake 
Fer de bacin, ef y'u eats, y'u de cancer guiner take. 

Now it use ter be de case, when a-dancin' at de ball, 
Twus a-fust "S'lute y'ur pardner," it wus den "A bal'nce 

all." 
Den a "Right han's across," an* "An all promenade," 
An' y'u jes' kep' a-guine, tell de Aggers all y'u made; 
But de dancin' now is diffunt, dar is not a bit uv harm, 
Ef y'u whirls aroun' de flo' wid y'ur pardner in y'ur arm. 



63 



N I ft WIf A N § HUMOR 

"""" » ■ «!■■ ■ -i i * ■ ii j i i j i ii i n u m i . « m .m» i m i m w ■ i i ,m, ■ M il nui 

Now it use ter be de case, when a-runnin' in a race, 
Dat y'u laid y'ur coat aside, fer ter make de gre'ter has'e, 
But y'u alius wore y'ur breeches, an' y'u alius wore y'ur 

shirt, 
An' de racers looked as like, dey wus hardly techin' dirt; 
When y'u sees 'em racin' now, y'u is happy, ef y'u knows, 
Ef de runners in de race is a'w'arln' uv deir clo'es. 

Now it use ter be de case, w'eu a lady rode a ho's', 
Dat y'u neber seed 'er on a sadle like a man across, 
But a-settin' on a-side in a long flowin' skirt, 
An' y'u neber seed 'er fallin' off, or eber gittln' hurt; 
When y'u sees 'em ridin' now, y'u is lucky, ef y'u can 
Tell de ridin' uv a lady frum de ridin' uv a man. 

Now it us eter be de case, when y'u seed a lady out, 
Dat y'u seed 'er dress a-hangin' ter de groun' or nearly bout, 
It was alius hangin' loose wld a ruffle roun' de feet, 
An' 'er foot y'u neber seed, cep, 'er toe a-lookin' neat ; 
When y'u sees a lady now, y'u can hardly eber guess, 
Whedder breeches she's a-wa'rin', or a-warin' uv a dress. 

Now it use ter be de case dat de chillun 'beyed deir maws, 
An' dey fotch de chillun up by de holy scriptyer laws, 
An' dey heed de Godly 'struction in de way fer all ter go, 
An' dey alius paid attention ter de things dey orter know; 
Now de time is come ter pass, dat de chlllun's in do lead, 
An' it beats all de leadin' dat a body's eber seed. 

Now it use ter be de case, when y'u get a little sick, 
Dat de doctar wid his physic raised y'u up purty quick, 

64 



N K G R O WJT AN9 HUMOR 

»'■ ■ ■ ■ " ■■■» " i rw — um i'p ii -n ■ ■ l» II . I i n I ■ I ■ II 1.11 I m. 

Ef de spell wus sorter long, an' y'u got a little thin, 
Den de neighbors, as de nu'ses, y'u w'u'd see a-comin' in; 
When y'u Las a feber now, y'u is sholy guiner die, 
Less y'u gits a lady nu's, an' y'u pays 'er purty high. 

Now it use ter be de case, ef de 'ligun y'u w'u'd seek, 
It wus right down ter prayin' an' a-feelin' mighty meek, 
At de home or at de chech, den it made no diffunce w'ich, 
'Twus de 'lijun fer de po', 'twua de lijun fer de rich; 
Now a singer y'u mus' have, an' unless y'u pays 'im well, 
Y'u will have a mighty struggle fer ter 'scape a sinner's hell. 

Do' de times is a-changin' an' a-changin' mighty fas', 
An' it's neber any tellin', whut is guiner come ter pass, 
I will keep a-joggin' on, an' will do de bes' I knows, 
An' I'll try ter go de way whut de chosen people goes; 
When de time shall come at las' fer ter lay my work aside, 
In de char'ots uv de angels, wid de angels.. I will ride. 



65 



1 i a wit h ® u n V M & H 

■— — — — g II I !■>! » i» h i j» i I ii i. i. ■! - ■!■ , i m i m i «BB jT i nrrri»n r nun -■ 

"ANGELINA." 

Paul Lawrence Dunbar. 



When de fiddle gits to singin' out a ol' Vahginny reel, 
An' you 'mence to feel a ticklin' in yo' toe an' in yt)' heel; 
Ef you t'ink yo' got 'ligion, an' yo' wants to keep it, too, 
You jes' bettah tak a hint an' git yo'self clean out o'view. 
Cose de time is mighty temptin' when de chune is in de 

swing, 
Fu' a darkey, saint or sinner man, to cut de pigeon-wing. 
An' you couldn't he'p f'om dancin' ef yo' feet was boun' wif 

twine, 
When Angelina Johnson comes a-swingin' down de line. 

Don't you know Miss Angelina? She's de dah'lin' of de 

place. 
W'y dey ain't no high-toned lady wif sich mannahs an' sich 

grace. 
She kin move across de cabbin, wif its planks all ru'f an' 

wo'; 
Jes' de same ef she was dancin' on ol' missus' ball-room 

flo'. 
Fac is, you do' see no cabin — evaht-ing you sees look gran', 
An' dat one ole squeaky soun' to yo' jes' lak a ban'; 
Cotton britches look lak broadclof and a linsey dress look 

fine, 
When Angelina Johnson comes a-swingin' down de line. 

Some folks say dat dancin's sinful, an' de blessed Lawd, 
dey say, 

66 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

Gwine to punish us fu' steppin' w'en we hyeah de music 

Play. 
But I tell you I don' believe it, fu' de Lawd is wise an' good, 
An' he made de banjo metal, an' he made de fiddle wood, 
An' he made de music in dem, so I don't quite think he'll 

keer 
Ef our feet keeps time a little to de melodies we hyeah. 
W'y, dey's sump'n downright holy in de way our faces 

shine, 
When Angelina Johnson comes a-swingin' down de line. 

Agelina steps so gentle, Angelina bows so low, 

An' she lif huh skirt so dainty dat huh shoe-tops skacely 

show; 
An' dem teef o'huh'n a-shinin', ez she tak yo' by de nan' — 
Go way, people, d'ain't anothah sich a lady in de Ian'! 
When she's movin' thoo de figgers er a-dancin' by huhse'f. 
Folks jes' stan' stock still a-star'in', an' -Jey mos' nigh hoi's 

dey breff; 
An' de young mens, dey's a sayiti', "Ize gwine a-make dat 

damsel mine," 
When Angelina Johnson comes a-swingin' down de line. 



67 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 



DE MAIDEN OF DE AFERKIN BLEN\ 

By A. J. Aven. 

I is been much aroun' fer de purty gala ter see, 
An' dey seems jes as purty as dey eber orter be; 
But as putry as dey is, I w'u'd neber dem defen' 
'G'inst de bu'ty cb de maiden ob de Aferkin blen'. 

Do' de gals goes ter school an' dey larns mighty fas', 
Do' dey knows eber lessun ob de books dat dey pass, 
Do' dey talks an' dey laughs wid de edicated men, 
Dey is nuttin' like de maiden cb de Aferkin blen*. 

"When de gals is a-singin' wid deir bery lebel bes', 
Den de young gemmen sho' ha? an achin' in de breV; 
Do' de singin' is de singin' all de people w'u'd ccmmen' 
It is nuttin' like de maiden's ob de Aferkin blen'. 

When de gals goes a-waltzin' at de big fancy ball, 
Den dey seems not a-techin' ob de slick flo' at all; 
Do' dey goes whulm' roun' wid a Greshun sorter ben', 
Dey is nuttin' like de maiden ob de Aferkin blen'. 

An' dey dresses mighty fine in de satin an' de lace, 
An' dey tries mighty hard wid de powder on deir face, 
Fer ter git de good attenshun ob do better iookin' men, 
But dey kyant beat de maiden ob de Aferkin blen'. 

When de gals goes a-ridin' wid a foot on eider side, 
Den dey looks mighty snipshus-like a-settin' on a-stride; 
Do, de ho'ses goes as fas' as de ho'ses whut y'u len', 
Dey kin neber pass de maiden's ob de Aferkin blen*. 



68 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

When de wimmin goes ter meetln', all de shoutln' mighty 

loud, 
Fer de 'lljun whut dey gits is de 'Ujun ob de proud; 
Do* de shoutln' mos' as loud as de shoutin' ob de men, 
It Is nuttln' like de maiden's ob de Aferkin blen'. 

When de people all assembul fer ter put de dead away, 
An' dey's all mighty sad wid event ob sich a day, 
All de gals comes a-cryin' like deir hearts dey w'u'd ren', 
But it's nuttin' like de maiden's ob de Aferkin blen'. 

Now soon de time a-comin' fer de gittin' ob a wife, 
An' ter settle down ter libin' in de right sorter life; 
Dar is not a gal a-libin' on whut I kin depen', 
'Cep' de honey colored maiden ob de Aferkin blen'. 



69 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

DE PREACHER'S BREECHES 

Brown Bird 
Dar was a preacher in dis town; 

His equal neber could be foun', 
An' dose who eber heerd him preach, 

Declared he had an angel's speech. 
One day, de sun was shinin' hot, 

'Till dar was not one shady spot; 
An' out upon de washin' line, 

Dat preacher hung his breeches fine. 
Dar was some hornets in de tree, 

Who thought de'yd come down fer to see 
What dat was in dem breeches fine, 

Dat he had hung out on de line. 
Dey hid dem selves right in de seat, 

An' Avent to sleep in dis retreat; 
Sow'en de preacher took dem down, 

He neber knew de harm, he'd foun'. 
De hornets sleep 'till Sunday mo'n, 

Until he put dem breeches on, 
An' took his place up in de stan', 

Er lookin' big an' awful gran'. 
He took his tex' an' 'gin to speak 

About de good way we should seek; 

70 



r 
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NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

And while he warmed up on dat tex', 
Dem hornets got a little vexed. 

One slipped down on de preacher's leg, 
An' stabbed him wid his tiny peg; 

De udders marched 'roun' on de thigh — 
An' den dat preacher jump dis high! 

Oh frien', I couldn't help but laff! 

I lowed I'd split myself in naff 
To see dat preacher hold his pants, 

An' roll his eyes like he seed ha'nts. 

De elder speak wid all his lung: — 
"De word ob God am on my tongue, 

Behave myself? I guess I can't, 
Fer hell is burnin' in my pants." 

De parson jump, an' den he fell; 

De sisters 'gin ter faint and yell; 
De de'cons broke out to de do' 

An' lef de preacher on de flo'. 



73 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 
REPORTING THE SERMON 

JOSEPH S. COTTER. 

Heahed er sermon tudder night 
Frum de Reb'rent Rastus White. 
You wus dar? Don' I know dat? 
Seed you sportin' yo' new hat. 
Seed you lookin' 'roun' er-bout 
So's ter pick sum feller out, 
Whut wuz bol' er-nuff ter spy on 
De same gal you had yo' eye on. 

Reb'rent Rastus weahs er face 
Dat is alius sayin' grace. 
Reb'rent Rastus' veins ain't blue? 
Don' I know dat as well as you? 
An' I know no udder man 
Kin be foun' in all de Ian' 
Whut kin go frum de beginnin' 
Ter de en' ob all yo' sinnin'. 

Reb'rent Rastus tuk er tex', 
Couldn't tell whut would cum nex'? 
Dar you cum er-puttin' in. 
Darky, you speak up ergin 
An' my fist'll fin' er spot 
On yo' jaw an' keep it hot 

74 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

Till you l'arn ter know dat knowin' 
Ain't er thing ter be alius showin'. 

Whut's dis worl' er-comln' to 
Ef one cyarn't go right on through 
Wid er speech he's boun' ter make 
'Stid ob stoppin' fer yo' sake? 
Now, I'se gwine ter tell you how — 
(Need't 'gin to scrape an' bow) 
Reb'rent Rastus sot us thinkin' — 
Take my boot-toe for dat blinkin'! 

Yes, he lead us all ter see 
Dis worl's full ob misery, 
An' ter spy de better Ian' — 
Whut you got dar in yo' han'? 
Dat's right, pardner, hoi' it up, 
Ain't you got er glass er cup? 
My taste's alius monstrus frisky 
When I sees Kaintucky whisky. 

Whar's de res' dat speech, you say? 
Brudder Rastus cumin' dis way, 
He kin make it bettern me, 
An' you's boun' ter wait and see, 
Kase I'se got dis bottle, pard, 

75 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

An' I'se gwine ter strike it hard. 
Chunk me, chunk me all you please ter 
I'se got glory heah ter freeze ter. 

Gibe you sum? Jes! wait er bit. 
Maybe I mought habe er fit. 
Long's I keep my commod sense 
I'll not put on no pretense. 
I'll jes' drink until I rise 
Ter sum sort ob paradise. 
Rastus cumin'? B'liebe I'll bore him. 
Dar's de empty bottle 'fore him. 

Let us hide heah in dese weeds. 
Rastus. Rustus. show yo' deeds. 
Now he's lookin' on de groun', 
Now he's list'nin fer sum soun', 
Now he's hid it in his clothes, 
Now he's stuck it ter his nose, 
Now he smacks his lips an' shows dat 
He would like ter know whar mo's at. 

Thoo dat bottle held er drouf 
Rastus, yo' mus' hoi' yo' mouf. 
Ef you 'spouse de temp'rence cause, 
We's gwine be both jedge an' Jaws. 

76 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOJ^ 

You's wid us? You better be. 

Cum right on an' let us see. 

Bress de Lawd fer dis chance meetin'. 

We's dun drunk. Now, let's ter eatin'. 



THE DEAD LINE 

A. J. Aven. 
I wus plowin, in de fiel', when I hyerd de Lo'd 

a-speakin', 
But I neber stopped a-plowin', do' de' Lo'd He 

kep' a seekin', 
An' de voice wus jes as plain, as a man a-stanin' 

by me, 
" 'Tis de heart as whut I wants, wont y'u', sinner, 

come an' try me?" 
But I turned de Lo'd away, kase I followed atter 

sin, 
Do de callin' wus so tender, yet my heart wus 

hard wid in. 

I wus young wid mighty power, an' I said I didn't 

need Im, 
Do He jes' kep' a-callm', yet I didn't stop ter heed 

Im; 



77 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

Do de stars is all de Ko'd's, whut He's holdin' in 

His han's, 
An' I seed 'em all a-movin', in accordunce wid His 

plans, 
Still I jes kep' a-fusin', an' I let Iin keep a-callin', 
An' I said its time enuff, when I sees my strength 

a-fallin'. 

Now de day is come at las', when I's feelin' old 

an' weak, 
Do I goes along a-wishin', yet I neber hears 'Im 

speak, 
An' I sorter tries fcer pray, but de answer neber 

comes, 
Tis as empty as de soun'in', frum de holler soun'- 

in' drums, 
An' I knows it all is ober, for I's passed de day uv 

grace, 
An' de Lo'd is gone away, an' foreber hid his face. 

Now my race is nearly obsr an' I dies widout my 

God, 
Do my body melts away for ter mingle wid de sod, 
Yet my soul will eber lib, in de darkness eber 

dwell, 

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NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

Wid de deble an' de sinners, in a sinner's burnin' 

hell, 
I wants ter warn de chilluns for to make de wiser 

choice, 
An' ter hearken to de scriptyers, an' ter hear de 

Master's voice. 



THE DON'T-CARE NEGRO 

JOSEPH S. COTTER. 

Neber min' whats in your cran'um 
So your collar's high an' true. 

Neber min' what's in your pocket 
So de blackin's on your shoe. 

Neber min' who keeps you comp'ny 
So he halfs up what he's tuk: 

Neber min' what way you's gwine 
So you's gwine away frum wuk. 

Neber min' de race's troubles 
So you profits by dem all. 

Neber min' your leader's stumblin' 
So you helps to mak' dem fall. 

Neber min' what's true to-morrow 

79 



HEOHO WIT AMD H U M © St 

So you libes a dream to-day. 
Neber min' what tax is levied 
So it's not on craps or play. 

Neber min' how hard you labors 

So you does it to de en' 
Dat de judge is boun' to sen' you 

An' your record to de "pen." 

Neber min' your manhood's risin' 

So you habe a way to stay it. 
Neber min' folks' good opinion 

So you had a way to slay it. 

Neber min' man's why an' wharfo' 

So de worl' is big an' roun'. 
Neber min' whar next you's gwine to 

So you's six foot under groun'. 



80 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 
POMP'S CASE ARGUED. 

DANIEL WEBSTER DAVIS 

Pomp stole dem breeches, an lowed't wont sin, 
'Cause he stole de breeches to be baptized in; 
But I doubts dat, brudders, le s argify de case, 
Fur we can't hab de young lambs a -fallin' from 
grace. 

Ef de brudder is hongry, an er chicken on de 

roos' 
Sets at temptin' ub de saints, why't aint no use 
Pur de callin' ub er council, de case am plain, 
De chicken was de sinner and deserbs all de 

blame. 

But breeches is diffunt, an' stealin's mighty 

wrong 
'Cause, yo' see, he moughter borrowed, sense 

his mem'ry ain't long, 
An' furgittin' to return urn, nobody could er say 
Dat he stole dem breeches, — 'tis clear as day. 

True, his moughter been busted, an' de seat 

to'ed out — 
Fur't is kinder strainin', dis leadin' ub de shout 

81 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

But den, he could er patched 'em an' wid coat 

tails long 
Hab cut a lubly figger 'dout doin' any wrong. 

Maybe pride wuz de kashun — dar de debbil 

tempts to sin,— 
An' his bed-tick breeches wont good 'nuf fur 

him, 
But I moves to 'sclude him, caused he nebber 

had to ought, 
Ef he stole dem breeches, go an' git himself 

caught. 



S3 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 



AUNT CHLOE'S LULLABY. 

DANIEL WEBSTER DAVIS 

Hesh! my babj', stop yer fuss, 
I's 'fraid you'se gettin' wuss an' wuss 
Doncher cry, an' I gwy make 
Mammy's baby 'lasses cake. 
Hesh! my lubly baby chile, 
I gwine rock yo' all de while, 
Nuffin gwine to ketch yo' now, 
'Cause yer mammy watchin' yo' 
Sleep! my little baby, sleep! 
Mammy's baby, Lou! 

How dem dogs do bark tonight! 
Better shet yer eyes up tight! 
Dey can't have dis baby dear: 
Mammy's watchin', doncher tear. 
Hear dem owls a-hootin' so? 
Dey shant ketch dis baby, do', 
Jes' like mistis lub her chile, 
Mammy lubs her baby too. 
Sleep! my little baby, sleep! 
Mammy's baby, Lou! 

83 



NEORO WIS* AMD HUMOH 

Mammy's baby, black an' sweet, 
Jes like candy dat you eat, 
Mammy lay you in dis bed, 
While she mek de whi' folks' bread 
Angels dey gwy look below, 
Watch dis baby sleepin' so, 
Go to sleep, my honey, now, 
Aint yer mammy watchin' yo'? 
Sleep! my little baby, sleep! 
Mammy's baby, Lou! 



84 



fart Wcpctt 



Negro Folk Songs 

These songs, more commonly called planta- 
tion melodies, originated with the Negroes of the 
South during the days of slavery. They have 
been somewhat extensively collected and written 
about. Although there is connection in scale com- 
position and in spontaneity with original African 
music, the imagery and sentiments expressed by 
the songs are the results of the conditions under 
which the slaves lived in America. These songs 
have for the Negro the same value that the folk 
songs of any people have for that people. In the 
days of slavery they furnished an outlet for ach- 
ing hearts and anguished souls. Today they help 
to foster race pride and to remind the race of the 
"rock from which it was hewn." Some of these 
represented the lighter side of the slave's life, as 
for example, 

"Heave away! heave away' 

I'd rudder co't a yaller gal 
Dan wuk foh Henry Clay. 
Heave away! yaller gal, I want to go." 

or the following: 

87 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

"Ole Massa take dat new brown coat, 

And hang it on de wall; 
Dat darkey take dat same ole coat, 

An' wear it to de ball. 
Oh, don't yo' hear my tru lub sing?" 

It was in their religious songs, however, 
that they poured out their souls. Three things 
are especially emphasized in these songs. First 
this life is full of sorrow and trouble: 

"Nobody knows de truble I sees, 
Nobody knows but Jesus:" 

Second, religion is the best thing in the 
world. It enables you, though a slave, to have joy 
of the soul, to endure the trials of this life, and 
finally gain a home in Heaven. 

Third, the future life is happy and eternal: 
"We'll walk dem golden streets, 
We'll walk dem golden streets, 
We'll walk dem golden streets, 
Whar pleasure nebber dies. 

Oh! I'se a-gwine to lib always, 
Oh! I'se a-gwine to lib always, 
Oh! I'se a-gwine to lib always, 
When I git over in de kingdom." 

88 



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NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

Swing Low Sweet Chariot 

1. I looked over Jordon, and what did I see, 

Coming for to carry me home, 
A band of angels coming after me, 
Coming for to carry me home. 

Chorus. Swing low sweet chariot, 

Coming for to carry me home, 
Swing low sweet chariot, 
Coming for to carry me home. 

2. If you get there before I do, 

Coming for to carry me home, 
Tell all my friends I'm coming too, 
Coming for to carry me home. 

3. The brightest day that ever I saw, 

Coming for to carry me home, 
When Jesus washed my sins away, 
Coming for to carry me home. 

4. I'm sometimes up and sometimes down, 

Coming for to carry me home, 

But still my soul feels heavenly bound, 

Coming for to carry me hoin*». 



91 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

Been A Listening 

1. Some say that John the Baptist was nothing 

but a Jew, 
But the Holy Bible tells us he was a preacher 
too. 
Chorus. Been a listening all the night long, 
Been a listening all the night long, 
Been a listening all the night long, 
To hear some sinner pray. 

2. Go read the third of Matthew, and read the 

chapter thro, 
It is the guide for Christians and tells them 
what to do. 

Keep Me From Sinking Down 

1. I tell you what I mean to do: 
Keep me from sinking down, 
I mean to go to heaven too; 
Keep me from sinking down. 

Chorus. Oh Lord, oh my Lord, oh my good Lord 
Keep me from sinking down. 

2. I look up yonder and what do I see; 
Keep me from sinking down, 

I see the angel beckoning to me; 
Keep me from sinking down. 

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NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

3. When I was a mourner, just like you, 
Keep me from sinking down: 

I mourned and mourned till I got through; 
Keep me from sinking down. 

4. I bless the Lord I'm gwine to die; 
Keep me from sinking down, 

I'm gwine to Judgement by and by; 
Keep me from sinking down. 

Uncle Jim's Baptist Revival Hymn 

Sidney Lanier. 
Solo. Sin's Roosters crowed, Ole Mahster's riz, 
De sleepin'-time is pas', 
Wake up dem lazy Baptissis, 

Chorus. Dey's mightily in de grass, grass, 
Dey's mightily in de grass. 

Ole Mahster's blowed de mornin' horn, 
He's blowed a powerful bias', 
O Baptis' come, come hoe de corn, 
You's mightily in de grass, grass, 
You's mightly in de grass. 

De Meth'dis team's dune hitched: O fool, 
De day's a-breakin' fas'; 

93 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

Gear up clat lean ole Baptis' mule, 
Dey's mightily in de grass, grass, 
Dey's mightily in de grass. 

De workmen's few an' mons'rous slow, 
De cotton's sheddin' fas'; 
Whoop, look, jes' look at de Baptis' 
row, 
Hit's mightily in de grass, grass, 
Hit's mightily in the grass. 

De jay-bird squeal to de mockin'-bird step, 
Don' gimme none o' yo' sass; 
Better sing one song for de Baptis 
crop, 
Dey's mightily in de grass, grass, 
Dey's mightily in de grass. 

An' de ole crow croak: "Doan' work, no, 
no," 
But de fiel' lark say, "Yaas, yaas, 
An' I spec' yo' mighty glad, yo' 
debilish crow, 
Dat de Baptissi's in de grass, grass, 
Dat de Baptissi's in de grass." 



94 



N8QKQ W I 1 AND KUMOH 

Lord, thunder us up to de plowin'-match, 
Lord, peerten de hoein' las', 
Yea, Lord, hab mussey on de Baptis' 
patch, 
Dey's mightily in de grass, grass, 
Dey's mightily in de grass. 



95 



prt 3am 



Negro Folk Lore. 

A Negro Ghost Story. Down in one of the 
South Atlantic States in a remote, lonely, and 
dolesome spot three or four miles from city, town 
or village, stands an age-worn and weather-beaten 
log cabin which for miles around has long been 
famous as the birthplace and residence of all the 
ghosts in the neighborhood. 

This cabin was always a favorite topic of dis- 
cussion among the country fellows of that region, 
and often on hunting expeditions, when caught 
late far away from home, one of them would be 
tempted to lodge there for the night. Its ill fame, 
however, would send him plodding wearily on in 
search of a more comfortable abode. 

A few of the more daring had on certain occa- 
sions braved the situation and entered the cabin 
hoping to spend the night. Curiously enough, 
however, they were always frightened out of their 
senses about midnight by loud rumbling, and 
deep groans and lamentations; and very often with 
one shoe and no hat they would dart through the 
door, and in a very few minutes placing two or 
three miles between themselves and the famous 
log cabin. 

99 



Ni@»e WIT AH© HUM0H 

One of these unfortunates was once telling his 
experience to a number of friends, stating at the 
same time that he didn't believe there was a man 
under the sun who could stay in that cabin from 
darkness to daylight. 

"Yes dah is, too," said one of the listeners 
known as "Uncle Sam." 

"If you'll gib me fifty dollahs, a chunk 
o'bread, a f ryin' pan an' all de meat I kin fry an' 
eat, I'll stay dah, jes' as sho' as de wol' stan." 

Just for pleasure the party gave Uncle Sam 
all he asked, and he proceeded to take up his post 
for the night. He went alone, entered the build- 
ing, started a lire in the rude fireplace, and just 
before the time for the ghost to appear, which 
was usually about twelve o'clock, he put the pan 
on the fire and began to fry his meat. He then lit 
his pipe, took his seat, crossed his legs, and en- 
jo3 T ed the sweet smelling savor of that pig. 

Suddenly a small, black, formless being about 
the size of a common hare ran out on the hearth, 
spat across the frying pan into the fire beyond, 
then turned to Uncle Sam, and said, 

"There is nobody here but you and me to- 
night," 

100 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

Uncle Sam saw and he didn't see, he heard 
and he didn't hear. His eyes and thoughts were 
centered on the meat. 

The ghost turned and again spat in the fire, 
this time about an inch from the frying pan. 
This made Uncle Sam angry, and without the least 
thought of danger, he rushed at the little imp, 
saying, 

"Don't you spit in dat meat!" 

Then quick as a flash, the ghost kicked the 
pan of meat into the fire, gave Uncle Sam a clew 
between the eyes, again took his place on the 
hearth, and said, 

"There is nobody but you and me tonight." 

Poor Uncle Sam, trembling from head to foot 
rose from a dark corner of the room and said in a 
stammering voice, 

"I— I — I'll not be here long." 

He then, like his predecessors, made a line 
for the door and not a blade of grass grew under 
his feet. 

Birds Of 111 Omen. There is common to all 
southern bayous and creeks a small blue heron, 
known as the shypoke. It is ungainly, timid and 

101 



N B R iff JP HUHdl 

harmless. It has an infrequent cry that has 
something of the resonance of the bittern, though 
on a much weaker scale. This bird, which inhab- 
its the depths of swamps and flies above morasses 
the Negroes have invested with familiarity with 
the Evil One. To some of them it is known as the 
Devil's Doctor, and it is supposed to have a Satan- 
ic knowledge of the virtues of herbs. It never 
eats herbs, living entirely upon minnows and 
small frogs, yet it is supposed to take them when 
sick, and its gizzard and liver when dried and 
powered are taken as specifics for many com- 
plaints. Shypoke feathers are common orna- 
ments in Negro cabins, being held to bring good 
luck, and if the housewife can get a duster made 
of its wings she is happy. 

Another devil's. bird is the yellow hammer, 
the large, beautifully colored woodpecker of red, 
brown, and gold that is common in all southern 
forests. The yellow hammer is not a familiar like 
the jaybird, but it is believed to be under the pro- 
tection of Satan, and any man who slays it is 
marked out for special machinations on the part of 
the Prince of Darkness. He will be made ill, or 
may die. In any case, he will be so tempted that 

102 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

he will be certain to fall and then punishment will 
follow. The yellow hammer builds in the hollows 
of trees and its eggs are richly marked; but little 
Negro boys who are habitual robbers of npsts, 
will not disturb its home. They are taught from 
their cradle that there is no surer way to evil for- 
tune. 

The purple grackle, which is a frequenter 
of barnyards and fond of the company of cows 
and horses, is looked upon with special aversion, 
and a Negro will waste an hour which should be 
devoted to work, endeavoring to force one of these 
birds to leave the premises and stay away. Mag- 
pies, starlings, and black martins are all objects 
of aversion. The magpie is disliked and believed 
to be an ill-luck bird as much because it is an irre- 
formable thief as because of its inky cloak. All of 
this crowd of flyers partake of the nature of the 
Evil One and are classed as among his subjects. 
On the contrary, red birds, cardinals, bluebirds* 
tanagers, many of the green vireos, and even (the 
awkward pink flamingo are viewed with pleasure, 
and their presence is welcomed about a cabin 
clearing. — Louisiana Folk-Lore. 



103 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

The Cat Rabbit. This is a folk lore story 
reproduced by a class in Prof. J. S. Cotter's 
school, Louisville, Ky. 

The negro slave woman was a cook. She 
had a very strict mistress who told her to cook a 
rabbit. She told her to put it on the porch to re- 
main over night, and if it was gone the next morn- 
ing, which was Sunday, she would get a whipping- 

The cook put the rabbit on the porch that 
night and turned a pan over it. During the 
night the kitten ate the rabbit. 

"Well," said the slave to herself, "what 
shall I do? Oh, I know what I will do? I'll put a 
kitten in de place ob de rabbit." 

She prepared and cooked the kitten and 
wondered what the outcome would be. While 
the mistress was upstairs eating the cat rabbit, 
the cook was in the kitchen still thinking of the 
outcome. She said to herself: 

"Ef dat cat- rabbit fails ter be er rabbit, I'ze 
sho gwine ter git a lickin'." 

Just about this time the mistress called 
her. As the cook went to her mistress, she said: 

"Lawd dat woman dun diskivered de dif '- 
funce." 



104 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

When she faced her mistress she smiled, 
limped around the table, straightened herself and 
said: 

"Ole Missus, heahs in- 

Her mistress said: "Look here Dinah, if 
you dont cook me another rabbit as well as this 
one I will whip you." 

"Yes Missus, I sho will," said Dinah. 

The Trick Bone of a Black Cat. Put 

ashes and water into a pot, set it over a fire and 
let it come to a boil. Have ready a black cat (not 
a strand of white hair on him) cut his head off, put 
him in the lye, and let boil until all the flesh has 
left the bones. Take out every bone. Wash 
them. Now for finding the luck bone; take up one 
bone, place it in your mouth, and ask your part- 
ner, "Do you see me?" If he says yes, you will 
have to try another, asking the same question 
every time. When you put the w itchy bone in 
your mouth he will say, kk I don't see you." Then 
take that bone, put it in your pocket and keep it 
there, and you can steal anything you want and no 
one will see you. In fact, you ran do any kind of 
trick you want, and no one will know it. 

10.-) 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 



Another informant tells us that the lucky 
bone will rise to the top when the flesh has all 
boiled off from the bones. 

How to Conjure. Get grave-yard dirt 
and put it into the food or sprinkle it around the 
lot. It will cause heavy sickness. 

Put a file under the step and it will break 
peace forever, — even make a man leave his wife. 

Have a vial, put into it nails, red flannel, and 
whiskey. Put a cork in it, then stick nine pins in 
the cork. Bury this where the one you want to 
trick walks. 

Remedies to Cure Conjuration. If the 

pain is in your limbs, make a tea or bath of red 
pepper, into which put salt, and silver mone3 T . 
Rub freely, and the pain will leave you. If sick 
otherwise, you will have to get a root doctor, and 
he will boil roots, the names of which he knows, 
and silver, together, and the patient must drink 
freely of this, and he or she will get well. The 
king root of the forest is called "High John, the 
Conqueror." All believers quake when they see 
a bit of it in the hand of anyone. 

106 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

Tie a snake shed around your waist, and it 
will help you carry any point you wish. Tie red 
flannel strings around your ankles, knees, and 
arms, and it will keep off conjure. Also, wear 
silver money around your neck. 

A Word of Courtship. Gentleman: Lady, 
if you should see me coming down the road, hat 
sitting on three sprigs of hair, cigar in north cor- 
ner of my mouth, my coat tail arguing with the 
wind and my shoes crying judgement, what would 
be the consequence? 

Lady: My head is full of argument, 
My tongue is full of chat, 
Say, kind gentleman, can you tell me 
What's good for that? 

Why the Wren Does not Fly High. The 

eagle and the wren once had a contest as to who 
should be king of the air. At the time appointed 
for the trial of strength they began to soar, and 
whichever went the highest was to be king. 
After they had gone a few feet up, the wren 
placed herself on the back of the eagle, and she 
was so light that he did not know she was there. 
After the eagle had flown as high as he could go, 

109 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

he called out: "Where are you, Mr. Wren?" Then 
the wren flew about six feet above him and an- 
swered, "I am the highest!" 

For her folsehood she was told she should 
always fly low. 

Brer Rabbit Beats Brer Fox. One day 

Brer Fox was hungry. As he wondered about 
the wood he saw a squirrel upon the branch of a 
tall tree. "Hello, Brer Squirrel!" he said, "Hello, 
Brer Fox!" replied the squirrel. 

Then said Brer Fox, "I once had a brother 
who could jump from limb to limb." "So can I," 
replied Brer Squirrel. "Let me see you," said 
the fox, so the squirrel jumped from limb to limb. 

"Brer Squirrel, I have a brother who can 
jump from tree to tree." "I can, too." So Brer 
Squirrel jumped from tree to tree. 

"Brer Squirrel, I had a brother who could 
jump from the top of a tall tree right into my 
arms." "I can, too," said the squirrel and he 
did. Brer Fox ate him all up. 

Brer Rabbit was lying in his bed near by, 
and saw all that was done. "Brer Fox," said he, 
" you a mighty smart man, but I had a brother 

110 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

who could do something you can not do." "What 
was it?" said Brer Fox. 

"My brother could let anybody tie a Large 
rock around his neck, and jump off this bridge in- 
to the water and swim out." "So can I," said the 
fox. Then Brer Rabbit fixed the rock and the 
string, and Brer Fox jumped, but he has not been 
heard of since. 

A School Teacher's Experience. While 
teaching school in Cumberland Co.,Va., a num- 
ber of years ago I witnessed the following inci- 
dent: 

A young man, the son of the people with 
whom I was boarding, was engaged to a young 
woman of the neighborhood, and had given her a 
ring. For some reason the engagement was 
broken off and the ring returned. 

One morning, shortly after the "falling out" 
while we were at breakfast, a boy brought a little 
package, containing the ring, and attempted to 
hand it to the young man. His mother would not 
let him take it, but took it herself, saying the ring 
might be "fixed" and something bad would hap- 
pen to him. So she placed the ring in some kind 

111 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

of black powders which she had, saying that after 
two weeks the ring would be all right and could 
not hurt him. 

Why the Crab has no Head. During cre- 
ation, when everything was getting heads, the 
crab was advised to go up and get one. He re- 
plied: — "It is time enough to get heads," so he 
swam around and idled away the time until when 
he did go up all the heads were gone. This is the 
cause of his being headless. 

Why there are Moles. Once upon a time 
there was a man whose wife was a witch, and he 
owned a grist mill. Every night the keeper 
would light his candle and read his Bible before 
retiring. After a few nights a cat would come in 
and get on the table and put out the light. Final- 
ly the mill-keeper became enraged and cut off the 
cat's left paw. The cat hurried out on three legs. 
The paw that had been cut off at once became a 
hand, upon which was a beautiful ring in which 
was engraved the name of the mill-owner's wife. 

The next morning the old keeper went to 
the house and requested to see the lady, without 
explaining his business. The husband objected, 

112 



NEORO WIT AND HUMOK 

saying that the lady was ill in bed. The man in- 
sisted, and did not want to give his reasons. The 
husband became enraged and began to make 
threats. Then the man drew from his pocket the 
hand and told the full story. The husband looked 
at the ring and knew it. Then he carried the man 
to his wife's chamber, and told her the man want- 
ed to see her. The old keeper wanted to shake 
her left hand, but she was bitterly opposed. Her 
husband was witness to the scene and she knew 
that he would not want her any more, so after 
they were gone she got up and began to plan for 
her departure. 

She ordered a boy to go to the store and 
bring two tin plates, but not set his tongue to 
them, if he did he would break her craft. The 
boy got the plates and did not fail to set his 
tongue to them. When he got home the witch 
took the plates, placed them to her sides, and be- 
came a bird. She took her flight, but after get- 
ting up a few rods in the air, the plates fell off, 
and she was left without wings. She fell to the 
ground and was smashed into bits. These bits 
became moles and burrowed in the ground. 



113 



N 1 § 1 © WIT ANB HUM OH 



Why Hens are Afraid of Owls. Once upon 
a time hens had dances every Saturday night. 
They employed Mr. Owl for a fiddler. He was 
always careful to go away before daylight that the 
hens might not see his big eyes. The last time he 
fiddled for them, daylight caught him, and when 
the hens beheld his eyes they were frightened 
into fits and all left the room squalling. Ever 
since then the hen can not even bear the shadow 
of an owl. 

The Snail's Smartness. A snail once 
undertook to cross the road. It took her seven 
years to accomplish this journey and just as she 
made the last move, clearing her from the wheel- 
track, a vehicle came along. "Oh!" she exclaimed. 
"What a grand thing it is to be quick!" 



114 



NEORO WIT AND HUMOR 
BLACK MAMMIES 

The following" article was written by T. W. Caskey, of 
Mississippi, for "Seventy Years In Dixie", in 1890, when he 
was an old man. This shows the estimation in which all "Black 
Mammies" were held by the white people of the South. 

The relationship between a child and its 
black mammy was both intimate and affectionate. 
Any Southern man would resent an injury to his 
old black mammy, as a personal insult, as long as 
he lived. Distinguished men of the old-time 
South never visited their old homes without ten- 
derly greeting the old slave whom they had 
known only as a mammy, early in childhood. It 
was no unusual thing for Congressmen and Sena- 
tors to sit on a rude stool in the old mammies log 
cabin, and listen with courteous patience, if not 
with deep interest, to her story of what had "been 
gwine on since you been left de ole place." 

My grandfather bought my old black mam- 
my, from a Massachusetts slave-ship, when she 
was only six years old. She was just from the 
dark continent then, and not a word of our lan- 
guage could she speak. She was about forty-live 
years of age when I was born. If there can be a 
feeling in the human heart stronger than a moth- 
er's love for her first born, that love burned in the 

115 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

deepest depths of her passionate, African heart 
for me. Her skin was as black as night, but her 
heart was as pure as the virgin snow. I don't be- 
lieve she ever saw the day, when I was placed in 
her swarthy arms, when but a few hours old, to 
the day of her death, in my 18th year, that she 
would not have laid down her life for me. For 
her tender care and motherly love, and for the 
sleepless nights she passed in ministering to the 
wants and in trying to alleviate the pains of the 
poor, motherless little waif, I have never ceased 
to give her the unstinted devotion and adoration of 
a grateful heart. 

I love to linger upon the memory of that 
faithful old slave. Hers was the dusky hand that 
rocked my cradle. Often times tears from her 
loving eyes fell upon my baby face, as she soothed 
me, as she crooned me to sleep in the silent, and 
to me suffering hours of the night. In my melan- 
choly retrospections, I often think of her now, 
with tearful eyes and weary heart, and wonder 
whether she ever comes from her far-off home in 
the glory land, to watch over her old-time way- 
ward charge. Does her glorified spirit ever hover 

116 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

about me now, with the old-time tenderness and 
love, and long to help my weary soul onward and 
upward to that better land? 

While strolling through a Southern forest 
one balmy evening in early spring, not many 
years ago, I came upon a lonely, dilapidated negro 
cabin nestling among the trees. To me it was 
a precious souvenir of the sweet long ago. The 
full moon, just rising, cast long, wavering shadows 
over the moss covered roof, and briers clung 
about the long deserted walls. Whippoor-wills 
chanted their lonely solo in the forest, a mocking- 
bird warbled his medley from the top of an oak, 
magnolias perfumed the air, and owls hooted dole- 
fully in the distance. To me, the whole scene 
was desolation, and, by contrast, reminded me of 
the blessed days gone by. And there, by that 
lonely cabin in the woods, I thought long and seri- 
ously of my old black mammy, and, amidst such 
environments, I went and prayed away some of 
the sorrows and burdens of my weary heart. 

• • 

And there, mid the stillness of nature, by 
her grave in the woods, I solemnly vowed to cher- 
ish her memory, to strive to imitate her love and 

117 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

labors for the motherless and homeless suffering 
little ones of this sorrow blighted world, and to 
love and pray earnestly and constantly, while I 
live, for the amelioration of the sufferings of her 
down- trodden race. And here now, with all the 
earnestness of a loving, grateful heart, I delibe- 
rately record that vow, and seal it with a peniten- 
tial tear. 



RICHEST NEGRO CHURCH IN THE WORLD 






St. Philip's Protestant Episcopal Church of 
New York City has this distinction. It is an off- 
shoot of Trinity Protestant Episcopal Church, 
which is the richest white church in America. 
St. Philip's was organized in 1818 and incorpor- 
ated in 1820. Its real estate holdings, much of 
which is residence property, amount to about 
$1,000,000. 



Hi 



Omens, Good and Bad 

No worse "luck" can befall one than for a 
chicken or other animal to die in any ones hand. 

Many negroes believe that death will come 
to the man who transplants a cedar tree, when 
the lower limbs grow to the length of his coffin. 

Some look upon it as a sure sign of death to 
some one in the family, if an axe or any other out- 
door implement is carried through the house on 
the shoulder. 

It is considered "bad luck" to stop on the 
door sill on entering the house. 

"Blessed am de dead what de rain falls on." 

"When de cheer an' de table talk togedder, 
an' de do move in an' out, it am a sign ob trouble." 

It is considered bad luck to stump the left 
big toe against a stone or object, but good luck to 
stump the right one. 

119 



NEORO WIT AND HUMOR 

The greatest hoo-doo animal is considered 
to be the rabbit. If it crosses ones path, if they 
persist in continuing the journey, bad luck is sure 
to follow. If, however, the charm is in your 
possession when the journey is begun, it takes 
away the evil "influence" of the hoodoo animal. 

To plant sage seed is a sure sign of daath 
or severe sickness to one of the family. 

The old-time negroes believed that to wear 
a coat wrong side out would keep off, or protect 
them from the Jack- o' -Lantern. They thought 
that the negro caught by one would be ridden by 
it till morning. 

It is considered good luck to see two birds 
sitting side by side on the limb of a tree. 

A weeping willow tree is considered a "hoo- 
doo" tree, and a foreboder of bad luck. 

It is considered bad luck to hold the leaf of 
a witch-hazel in the hand. It is a hoo-doo leaf. 

I gave an old negro woman a peach tree to 
set out in her garden, and she said: "I won't say 

120 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

thank you for it for it is bad luck to say thank 
you for any green shrub which you are going to 
set out." 



Old Sayings 

You need not try to pull the black out of my 
eyes. 

Don't make a bridge of my nose. 

Sooner war, sooner peace. 

That is a dead pig, and no water hot. 

A still son sucks the wash. 

You gave me a stick to crack your own head 
with. 

It is no sign of a duck's nest to see feathers 
in the fence. 

Be pig or pup. 

You need not measure my corn in your half 
bushel, it will not hold out. 

121 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

Mammy trot, daddy trot, colt trot. 

A still tongue makes a wise head. 

Night has no eyes. 

Stand to the rack, fodder or no fodder. 

When one has married wealth, it is said : 
"She jumped in a pot of grease." When one has 
plenty, they say, "His pot boils strong." 



Don'ts 



The following superstitions were found 
current in Tidewater, Virginia. 

Don't leave the griddle on the fire after the 
bread is done; it will make bread scarce. 

Don't wash the inside of a baby's hand; you 
will wash his luck away. 

Don't sweep dirt out of the door at night; 
you will sweep yourself out of a home. 

122 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

Don't step over anybody's leg; it will turn 
to a stick of wood. 

Don't comb your hair at night; it will make 
you forgetful. 

Don't be the first to drive a hearse; or you 
will be the next to die. 

Don't make any new garment for the sick; 
it will make them die. 

Don't shake the tablecloth out of doors after 
sunset; you will never marry. 

Don't sweep a person's feet, it will make 
him lazy. So will hitting him with a straw. 

Don't whip the child who burns another. 
If you do, the burnt child will die. 

Don't measure yourself; it will make you 
die. 

Don't lend or borrow salt or pepper; it will 
break friendship. If you must borrow it, don't 
pay it back. 

128 



NEGRO WIT AND HUMOR 

Don't kill a wren; it will cause your limbs 
to get broken. 

Don't pass anything over a person's back; it 
will give hi in pains. 

Don't pour out tea before putting sugar in 
the cup, or some one will be drowned. Some say 
it will drown the miller. 

Don't kill cats, dogs, or frogs; you will die 
in rags. 

Don't move cats, if you do, you will die a 
beggar. 

Don't meet a corpse, or you will get very 
sick before the year is out. 

Don't point at or speak of a shooting star. 

Don't count the teeth of a comb; they will 
all break out. 

Don't lock your hands over your head. 



124 




Neal and his 'Black Mammy." 



ILLUSTRATIONS 



"A Mississippi Chocolate Drop." Frontispiece. 


"In De Fall ob De Yeah" - 


17 


A Block of Negro Property 


35 


The Southern Bank, Jackson, Miss. - 


53 


Largest Negro Church in the World, Mont- 




gomery, Alabama - 


71 


An Old Time Negro Cabin 


89 * 


A Modern Negro Home - 


107 


Neal and His Black Mammy 


125 



INDEX 



A Foreword 5 

Introduction ...... 7 

Negro Synonyms 9 

Interrupting the Service - 10 

A Hoo Doo Tree - 10 

Must Prove the Case - - - 10 

Part of a Prayer ... - n 

A Whopping Base Singer - 11 

"De Chariots ob De Lawd" - 11 

Looking For Somewhar To Go - 12 

Not Scared But Uncomfortable 12 

Creation 13 

The Protracted Meeting - 13 

An Early Call - - 14 

Not Too Intimate 14 

Charge of Vagrancy - - - - 14 

A Preacher Set Back - - - 15 

How Superstition Helps - - - 16 

• 

Ready in An Emergency - - - 17 

Two Purchasers For One H - 20 

A. New Definition of Baptism 21 

129 



INDEX 

In the Police Court .... 22 

Correcting a Statement ... 22 

Nob Goin' Nowhar ... - 23 

The Tagged Dog 23 

The Negro a Fine Collector - - 24 

Forgiving One Another - - - 25 

Hunting a Job 26 

Number Negro Colleges in U. S. - - 26 

The Geese Not a Barrier 27 

De Animal Conferance ... - 27 

Making It Emphatic .... 28 

The Nacher'l Way 28 

He Forgot the Name .... 29 

The Negro and Honesty - 29 

Fluctuating Membership ... 30 

The Devil in a Printing Office . . 31 

Too Many Societies .... 31 

Equal to Any Emergency . . . 32 

Hard On Written Sermons . . 33 

"Kotched Him Wid De Hoss" . . 34 

No Race Suicide Here .... 37 

Go Away Grammar . . 38 

He Didn't Want That Run 39 

What Is Prayed For .... 40 

Another High Up In Life ... 41 

130 



i .n . D B X 



"Sin Killer" Griffin 


42 


And Another One 


44 


High Sounding Distinction 


45 


He Had Only Two Gaits 


45 


u Not Er'zackly Enuff." 


46 


Campaign Illustration . 


46 


Tne Evangelist's Experience 


47 


"Dat Mule" . . . . 


48 


Going Some 


49 


Money Wanted 


50 


Words and Work .... 


50 


Able to Deceive the Elect 


50 


The Southerner and The Negro 


52 


"Disremernberin' De Tex' " 


55 


Date of Abolition in Different Countries i 


n 


America 


57 


Negro Proverb .... 


57 


Negro Love Song .... 


61 


Uncle Ruben's Reflections 


62 


Angelina 


66 


De Maiden ob De Aferkin Blen' 


68 


De Preachers Breeches , 


70 


Reporting the Sermon . , 


74 


The Dead Line .... 


77 


The Don't Care Negro 


79 



131 






Pomp's Case Argued 
Aunt Chloe's Lullaby 
Negro Folk Song 
Swing Low Sweet Chariot 
Been a Listening 
Keep Me From Sinking Down 
Uncle Jim's Baptist Revival Hymn 
Negro Folk Lore 
Birds Of 111 Omen 
The Cat Rabbit 
The Trick Bone Of A Black Cat 
How To Conjure 
Remedies To Cure Conjuration 
A Word Of Courtship 
Why The Wren Dees Not Fly High 
Brer Rabbit Beats Brer Fox 
A School Teacher's Experience 
Why The Crab Has No Head 
Why There Are Moles 
Why Hens Are Afraid Of Owls 
The Snail's Smartness 
Black Mammies 
Richest Negro Church In The World 
Omens, Good And Bad 
Old Sayings 

Don'ts .... 

List of Illustrations 
'Index 



81 

83 

87 

91 

92 

92 

93 

99 

101 

104 

105 

106 

105 

109 

109 

110 

111 

112 

112 

111 

114 

115 

118 

119 

121 

122 

127 

132 



132 



Deacidified using the Bookkeeper process 
Neutralizing agent: Magnesium Oxide 
Treatment Date: Dec. 200" 

PreservationTechnologies 

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Cranberry Township. FA 16066 
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